Italy
has long been viewed, from without, as a particularly
sensuous society. A place for "La Dolce Vita",
those afternoon siestas with a "Latin Lover"
or an evening tryst on the beach with smouldering Gina
Lollobrigida or fiery Sophia Loren. A recent example,
fuelling the myth, is Nicholas Sarkozy's new wife, Italian
Carla Bruni. She exudes sexuality in her photos and is
encouraged to talk of little else in her interviews. Even
the Italian obsession with food, clothes and cars, suggests
that appetites are there to be indulged, satiated. It
was not always like this.
In
the mid 1900's Italy was still a very controlled place
when it came to the mixing of the sexes, not quite Saudi
Arabia, but there were rules that one disobeyed only at
great risk. Most women stayed at home and if they worked
it was on the family farm or in a cottage industry. Unmarried
girls could not leave the house un-chaperoned, especially
after dark and even the village dances would have one
part of the room for the youngsters to meet and disport
themselves, another for the older members of the family
to play cards and keep an eye on them.
Young
couples, having met in the safety of company could then
start to do some things on their own. Travel back from
Sunday mass together for instance, or go off with a group
of young friends and family members, then snatch a few
minutes to themselves. After a while the family of the
young woman would allow her future husband to accompany
her alone without escort. Now they became "fidanzati"
engaged, betrothed. This did not necessitate anyone going
down on one knee, a ring or a formal request, though all
this could come later. The main thing was that every one
in the community saw them as a couple and expected them
to marry.
At
this point there was no honourable way of turning back,
they had after all been alone together and who knows what
had gone on, the flesh after all is weak, so marriage
was now inevitable. Though this custom is no longer observed
in most of Italy where young people yield to parental
control as reluctantly and rarely as anywhere else in
Europe. In parts of the south, Sicily and Sardinia it
is still the rule. Men from the more liberal north who
find romance while working or on holiday in these regions
have been known to be visited by an uncle or pair of brothers
after their return home. The purpose being to explained
the health benefits of marriage.
Though
society restricted contact with respectable young women,
it could not of course control the primal urges of young
men. The outlet for these was through prostitution. Up
until recently conscription required most fit males to
spend a year in the army and it was during this time,
away from home and in the midst of male bonding that the
rite of passage, the loss of male virginity often took
place. Prostitutes were not imports from third world poverty
as they are today. Until 1958 brothels were still legal
and the practitioners often a quite matronly hereditary
cast. National service has since been abolished and sexual
liberation has obviated, for most youths, the need and
expense of employing a professional. Though as everywhere
else in the world the oldest profession survives.
Traditions
tend to mutate more often than they die. The idea of betrothal
remains but has changed. Young unmarried couples often
go on holiday together but with a couple of friends so
that their parents can have a fig leaf of respectability,
telling relations and neighbours, that "of course
the two boys will be sharing one room while the two girls
the other". Myths also mutate when confronted by
competing prejudice and incompatible ideas.
When
soft pornography was no longer banned in Italian cinema,
film makers went mad showing acres of naked flesh in very
poor, low budget movies. There was however a problem.
While the audience might wish to see sex crazed women
wearing little or nothing, these could not be portrayed
as a normal Italian wife or daughter, this would be little
less than sacrilege. Historical or fantastical settings
were one alternative but left little space for the inclusion
of lusty Latin lads to play the heroes.
The
answer was to create the myth of the northern nymphomaniac.
Women tourists had already be seen travelling by themselves
or with a female friend, this suggested a different moral
code. So it was only logical to make the "heroines",
athletic Scandinavians complete with blond bunches and
excruciating accents. Unfortunately those men, now in
their 50's, who grew up with these films, if finding difficulty
differentiating reality from fantasy, still believe that
any woman born north of the Alps is likely to cast aside
all caution and clothing at the sight of an Italian male.
Another awkward problem presented by the arrival of the
"permissive society" was one of location. In
England, the land of my birth, my rare and usually futile
attempts to impress a girl took place in my flat. In the
British isles young people leave home at an early age
to work or study and so have their own accommodation.
It was thought the fairer sex looked kindly upon a large
and well amplified record collection. Other points could
be scored with the correct posters.
Young
Italian men however often remain at home until they get
married, leaving the question of where to go with, and
how to stir admiration of, the object of their desires.
Answer, the car! Fast sports cars on wet cobbled streets
fulfil not just the twin functions of Darwinian selection
and population control. They are also the main determinant
of whether a young stud feels himself to be cool and desirable.
Not everyone can afford a Lamborghini or Ferrari, but
an Alfa Romeo or even a Fiat with the right accessories,
provides both kudos amongst ones peers and a mobile if
somewhat limiting palace of passion.
It is said "there is no fool like an old fool",
for these there is the institution of the Nite Club, the
misspelled first word differentiating it from anything
like the real thing. These are still popular in rural
areas giving a relatively innocent if tawdry pleasure
to the credulous or naïve. A gentleman on entering
the establishment will be greeted by a young woman, often
foreign, who will ask to be offered a drink. She and the
client can then spend the rest of the evening talking,
casually lying to one another, while he gets tipsy on
real booze and she drinks expensive fizzy water. Nothing
untoward happens as by law the woman cannot leave the
club until it closes in the early hours by which time
the client has either gone home to bed or is too drunk
to care.
Those
with more wealth to indulge themselves can afford a mistress.
It used to be expected of aristocrats, politicians and
those in the "professional" classes, almost
a badge of success. These days the increasing financial
independence of women coupled with legislation allowing
for divorce has made the practice much less common. Extramarital
sex is not particularly frowned upon though, as long as
it is between equals and does not threaten the viability
of the family unit. Wives tend to be more understanding
of this than their husbands. Perhaps because at heart
they see themselves as mothers and their husbands as big
kids, but with more expensive four wheel drive toys. Maintaining
the younger woman is now seen as more of a liability than
a luxury.
As
in the rest of Europe women are now more self-sufficient
and a large part of the work force, though rarely in the
more prestigious roles. Most people live in towns and
cities where the restraining influence of village gossip
has no power. Plus the availability of divorce and contraception
along with a constant diet of subliminal or explicit sexuality
on TV at the cinema or in publicity has made an active
sex life not just a possibility but also a necessity for
ones self esteem.
Never
the less, on balance Italy has moved quite swiftly from
a society which placed firm restrictions on sexuality
to one with a fairly open and pluralistic view of it.
Avoiding the prudish hypocrisy of the Victorians and recognising
the impracticality of avoiding talking about sex in the
hope that it will go away. Nobody seriously proposes abstinence
as the best form of birth control. The parliament has
openly Gay members and until recently a transsexual. Television,
billboards and mass circulation magazines show levels
of nudity that would incur hefty fines in the USA.
This
transition has not been with out some excesses. For a
while a TV channel showed a quiz program where housewives
would remove their clothing in a strip tease to music
when they got an answer wrong. One of our porn stars La
Cicciolina was a parliamentarian for the Radical party.
Rather than expound any particular policies at election
rallies she would bare her breasts, people soon got bored
with both of the above. A perennial though is the celebration
of women's day, marked not so much by protestations of
sisterly solidarity but rather the influx of male strippers
in local clubs. Sometimes to an audience of mothers with
their daughters.
Visitor
from abroad are often enamoured by members the local population.
Easy on the eye by nature, Prada, Versace and Valentino
have helped all, regardless of their physical attributes,
to package themselves well. So here is a quick non-authoritative
guide to not making an absolute fool of yourself.
Dress;
Let's face it you will never be able to compete with what
the locals are wearing but you can do your best. Stay
away from pastel shades especially pink, you don't want
your t-shirt to match your complexion after the first
day in the sun. Italians rarely wear shorts or white track
shoes, unless with designer labels and while running.
Drinking; In some cultures a few drinks or more are a
necessary part of the courtship ritual. Inebriation is
thought to help to give courage and lower inhibitions.
Italians tend, probably quite rightly, to assume it will
only lower performance.
Timing;
Everything starts and finishes later in southern Europe,
so while you might think that the party is folding up
at midnight, it is probably only just starting. Best to
pace yourself.
Don't
be fazed; Love is blind and possibly deaf, though the
person you have fallen for may look hopelessly out of
your league there is always a chance that they might prefer
a mate with unconventional looks such as yours.
Love;
If you do fall in love, have a holiday romance, best of
luck. But remember, however delicious the dish, it can
be hard to find the ingredients to recreate the same flavour
for it at home.
Coming
soon: It's Party Time . . . what you really didn't
want to know about Italian Politics
